How does Janaki have teenage kids at 60?
She adopted – you’ll meet them at the wedding! They’re great boys. All told, she has one daughter who is older from her first marriage, and two adopted teenage boys from her second marriage.
Has Harvey been married before?
No, never tied the knot, but he’s thrilled to finally be doing so now.
Is Janaki a Jewish name?
Definitely not! Janaki’s mother was raised Anglican/Episcopalian (Protestant Christian), and her father was brought up Buddhist. When she was growing up, neither of her parents were particularly religious, but she always seemed to find a friend who was church-going. Her oldest friend, Sarah Person, who is coming to the wedding, introduced Janaki to the United Methodist church, where she spent many happy years singing in the choir, and participating weekly in all manner of ways. But, when she discovered Judaism in 1990, she realized this was the perfect fit for her. She converted in 1991, and has been increasingly observant ever since. Poor Harvey!!
Is Harvey Jewish?
Not like Janaki. His parents were both Jewish and he grew up in a Jewish neighborhood of Pittsburgh (Squirrel Hill), but his family practiced Reform Judaism. To Conservative Jews, like Janaki, Reform Jews are … lax. Harvey considers himself secular — culturally Jewish, but not religiously observant.
Do Janaki’s kids like Harvey?
Yes. And actually, Harvey and the boys’ dad, Ron, get along well. They’re the same age, and the five of us have been having dinner together every Friday night for the past year or so, as well as most of the holidays.
What are the various activities over the wedding weekend?
Friday night we will have Shabbat (Sabbath) dinner, to begin the Jewish Sabbath (details below). Saturday morning we will attend Shabbat services at Tikvat Israel, followed by a luncheon sponsored by Janaki & Harvey. The actual wedding ceremony is on Sunday at 3pm followed by a reception and dinner from 5pm on.
Do we have to attend every event?
Definitely not! Pick and choose. Whatever works for you is great! Friday night dinner will have some blessings at the beginning, but otherwise will be low-key and casual. Saturday is more heavy-duty religious. Sunday is the wedding, which we hope you’ll not skip!!
Friday night dinner
We will host friends and out of town guests at our home, 14300 Oakvale Street, Rockville MD. The dinner will be potluck (dairy with vegetarian and fish options). We keep a kosher home, so please check with us about what you plan to bring. The out-of-town guests should not feel any obligation to bring anything other than themselves. There will be plenty!! Candle-lighting that night is 5:36pm, so we’ll likely start with blessings around 6pm or so.
Saturday morning services
Our synagogue holds shabbat morning services from 9:30am until approximately 12pm. Yes, it’s long. And, yes, it’s plural. The first section is a recitation of psalms, called P’sukei D’Zimra, followed by Shacharit, which means Morning Service, which will be led by a wonderful prayer leader, our friend Rena Strauss. That will transition to the Torah service, which will start at around 10:15am, and will be led by Janaki’s son, Sadi. We encourage all our wedding guests to aim to arrive by then, but you are certainly welcome to come and hear Rena, which will be a treat! During the Torah service, as the name implies, we read a section from the Torah – which is comprised of the first five books of the Bible – and the reading is read in seven parts, called aliyot. Janaki and Harvey will go up to the Bimah (the platform on which the Torah is read from) to recite blessings before and after one of the readings, and will receive a blessing from Rabbi Marc Israel in advance of the wedding on Sunday. Jimmy Perlmutter will be chanting the Haftarah, which is a selection from the Prophets. Jimmy read this particular selection for his Bar Mitzvah (we won’t say how long ago!). Rabbi Israel will give a sermon, and then Janaki will lead the closing service, called Musaf. Her son, JJ, will lead one of the closing hymns, Ein Keloheinu and Aleinu. Dress for the service is coat and tie for men, and a dress, typically, for women. Men should cover their head with a kippah (these will be provided at the entrance). You will see men and some women wearing prayer shawls, but this is not obligatory for our guests.
What’s a Kiddush luncheon?
Kiddush, which means “holiness” in Hebrew, refers to the blessing recited over wine before a meal on Shabbat, both on Friday night and Saturday after the morning services. We will move into the social hall after the conclusion of services, and you will find trays with small cups of wine (purple) and grape juice (light colored). Please take one, and wait until the blessings are recited. We start with a song, V’Shamru: And the Children of Israel kept the Shabbat, observing the Sabbath in every generation as a lasting covenant. Between me and the Children of Israel it is an eternal sign, for in six days the Lord made the Heavens and the Earth and on the seventh day he rested and was refreshed. And the Children of Israel kept the Shabbat, observing the Sabbath in every generation as a lasting covenant. Between me and the Children of Israel it is an eternal sign, for in six days the Lord made the Heavens and the Earth and on the seventh day he rested and was refreshed. (Exodus 20:8-11) The leader then invites the congregation to join in the blessing, we all say “L’Chaim”, and recite together the blessing, which translates to “Blessed are you, Lord our God, Sovereign of the Universe, who creates the fruit of the vine.” This blessing is followed by a ritual washing of hands, and blessing over bread, and then…we EAT!
Do Jews say Grace?
Yes! But not before we eat. We say Grace after the Meal, and it is sung, in Hebrew. Wait for it – it’s beautiful. You can follow along in the Benschers (small books that contain prayers and songs) on the tables, with the English on the facing pages. We’ll explain it, if you’re interested.
What can I expect on Sunday?
If you have never been to a Jewish wedding, you may find this page: https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/being-a-guest-at-a-jewish-wedding-a-guide/ will give you a good overview. Our wedding will include many of the elements described. We will be signing our ketubah, we will stand under the chuppah (wedding canopy), we will exchange rings, we will break a glass. Many friends from our community with take part in the ceremony.
Other Questions?
Ask in the comments below, and we’ll try to answer them…